I feel great
I just peed on a car
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
