I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
