I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you never un-have a 4some
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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