before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
