I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
