I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A bitchslap is in order.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
