glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
