hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
