I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
