just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
