My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
