I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
