Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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