And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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