I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize