there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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