Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
