She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
