Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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