Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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