my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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