Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
