I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
