FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize