he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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