just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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