The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
