I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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