I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
