seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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