just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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