wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
