fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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