you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
