if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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