I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
