His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
