i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
