Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
