at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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