Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
