No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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