What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
