u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
