I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You smell like stripper and shame
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize