That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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