i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
