I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
