i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
