Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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