I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
