It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
