No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
