btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can text with my tongue
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
