I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
