he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
