The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
