Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
there is glitter all over my balls
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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