i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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