could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
