I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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