I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You took a bar mat shot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
