if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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