We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
