I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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