East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
