So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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