just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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