You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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