Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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