just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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