she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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