I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
