$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
