Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize