I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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