You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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