i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
