i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
