just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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