Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
