this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
