I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
