$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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