Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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