I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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