just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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