I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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