I want to stick my p in your. b.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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