guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
