you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
