I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
