Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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