Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize