Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
