mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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